The Friday after (February 16, 2018), I was hit while driving home from teaching my balance check aqua class. I was certain my car would be totaled. The damage didn't look bad, but my car is almost 12 years old. The accident wasn't my fault, but it was likely to leave me with a totaled car and a car payment. I haven't had a car payment for almost 11 years and certainly don't have the extra money for one now. I sure did hope to keep my little snub-nosed Happy D going for at least another couple of years while I continued to grow my business and save for the next car. 

The Monday after the accident, the appraiser came to take a look and surprisingly said the cost of the repairs would not total the car. {Insert biggest sigh of relief ever here} Toyota came to tow my car away later that afternoon and make the repairs. 

Meanwhile, the following Wednesday, February 21, I noticed a significant decrease in my ability to see. I thought my prescription changed and made an appointment to see the eye doctor on Friday (February 23, 2018). It seemed rather strange that my eyes would get that bad that quick, but I'm not an eye doctor so what do I know? But it always seemed to me that the eyes got very gradually worse over time. This was a very acute change that made it extremely difficult to do my work - I mean, I'm trying to look at lines and lines of numbers on a screen all day right? Upon arriving for my appointment at the eye doctor, the assistant had me take out my contacts. I could barely keep my eyes open they were so watery and uncomfortable. I couldn't see even the largest letter on the eye chart. With my glasses? I couldn't see anything clearly either. 

When the doctor started looking she was extremely concerned. My corneas were so swollen she couldn't even get me to see 20/50 with my current prescription. "Read the smallest line you can see." "Ummmm, maybe there's an O on the top line?" "You can't see any of those?!" So back to the pharmacy I went - this time for eye drops to help reduce the inflammation in my corneas. And no contacts for at least two weeks until seeing her again for a follow up. 

"OK God, this is enough now...you're really starting to cramp my style!" It's unknown what caused my corneas to become inflamed, but there was a side effect listed on the anti-inflammatory medication I was taking for my back that affected less than 1% of people - blurred vision or loss of vision. Therefore, I stopped taking the anti-inflammatory right away. 

I got my car back from the collision center on February 26 and it was all shiny and pretty - if you want to get your car washed and cleaned inside and out, just get someone to hit it. Ha! But seriously though, one of the three major things that had happened in those three weeks was now back to normal. 

You might be wondering why I wrote all this. It doesn't really have anything to do with gymnastics or my back injury right? Well, I think it does. I think the Lord is in it all and I think He has complete control and will show me His will in all of this as time goes along. As I got off the plane in Las Vegas last weekend, I couldn't see the signs for Baggage Claim and was still struggling to see a computer screen or read a book. 

But by the end of the weekend as I sang the last few National Anthems, I noticed our beautiful flag starting to become clearer through my glasses. I noticed I could read a little easier. I noticed the faces of the amazing gymnasts were no longer fuzzy. And it was lovely to be reminded that in the little things and the big ones, the Lord is healing me and He is showing me that in His time, this will all become clear. 

What I'm excited about this weekend is that I was given the go ahead to work on balance. As I don't have any feeling in my left foot or lower leg, it is extremely difficult to balance on that foot. And in gymnast terms, it's my "good leg" so that's pretty devastating. My physical therapist went through a few balance exercises with me and told me I could try walking on my balance beam in the backyard. He also told me to get an aqua belt and some ankle weights and hang in the pool. Now that's my kind of therapy - anything in the water! He said it would be like traction for my back. I'll get to try that tomorrow for the first time and I'm looking forward to feeling the amazing effects of the water. 

But back to the beam - the first day it was pretty difficult just to walk or stand on it. After 3 days of trying, I'm starting to work on some pivot turns and holding my balance on each leg for 30 seconds at a time. I made it to 20 on my left leg which I was pretty proud of, but wow, it's so hard! My work on the beam is pretty pathetic at this point as I fall as much or more than I stay on. But I'm walking on the balance beam! And I never thought I would have that much joy just from walking! Wow! 

Could it be that God's reminding me of all the little blessings He provides along the way? Could it be He's showing me how to appreciate it more when (not if-I choose to believe) I get to try any real gymnastics again in the future? 

Food for thought...

Now there's just one thing left....healing for my back and feeling in my leg and foot. But the doctor said that could take up to a year. Maybe I'll be writing that it's back to normal sooner rather than later, but I'm learning to trust His process and know that He will take care of it how He wills and in His perfect timing.

I started hanging in the pool (the makeshift traction the Physical Therapist recommended last week) and it feels extremely strange - though I've been in the water for over 800 days in a row, I've never worn weights on my body and that is a whole new experience. While it's strange, it's also a really nice feeling. I love it and hope to find extra time each day to hang. 

I'm also continuing to work on the beam out back. Yesterday was a bit of a milestone, while today was a bit of a setback. However, I'm reminded through it all to appreciate the opportunity to even walk on the beam again and to experience falling off and being happy I get to try again. So yesterday it was leaps and jumps. I tried for my leap series required for my level that I've been competing for the last 3 years - a split leap connected to a straight jump. I fell more than I stayed on for sure, and I never managed to connect the two. But remember, I'm landing on a foot that I can't feel. It's not only a complete relearning, but it's also fairly terrifying - even on a 12" high beam. 

The leap is one animal because of course I have to land on just my left foot and balance for a second before bringing my right foot down behind it. The straight jump is only a little easier because I take off on both feet and land on both feet. But the pushing through the toes for the jump with my left foot is very tricky. Then the balance of course when coming down is even trickier. And because the feet are so close together, it also makes it hard to control. 

One other thing to note about my beam work up to this point is that I've not tried it without shoes on. I have a feeling that may be pretty interesting when I dare take that step! But something inside of me is excited to get to try it someday. Today I went to work again out there. I tried the leaps and jumps again but found myself having difficulty with my fear. One thing was I had tried with my contacts in yesterday and today I had my glasses on (because I was past the time I could wear contacts for the day before I was able to get out to the beam). I found it really hard to leap and jump with glasses on. Morgan Hurd, you're my hero for making that work - and as an elite no less! 

Anyway, I was frustrated with the leaps so I worked some more on my pivot turns and the walking on the toes thing. Let me just say....walking on your toes when you can't feel your toes is extremely difficult. There is no strength at all there and my foot just wants to give out on me. I try to focus on my leg muscles doing the work. But it's still really hard to make my foot go up on the toes and have any control at all. 

I did have one little triumph today though. I was able to do a half turn! That was pretty huge. Turns were always hard when I did have feeling in my foot. So now that I don't, well, you get the picture...going up on the toes I can't feel and then proceeding to turn on them? Hmmmm....we'll have to see about that and work on that more I guess. 

Ok balance beam - you crazy scary 4" wide nemesis apparatus! I'm coming back for you again tomorrow! And I'm determined to beat you someday whether I get the feeling back or not!

The doctor sends a Nurse Practitioner in to see me so I don't have any feeling of continuity of care. If I had seen her the first visit I would have felt more comfortable. I feel as though I have to repeat my entire story over again, to the medical assistant checking me in as well as the Nurse Practitioner. I did like her, but was a bit frustrated to feel like no one knew anything about me or what was going on. When I step back, I can understand because....how many patients do they see each day and what could they possibly know from the notes from one visit? But still, I was frustrated. "Don't they know this is my life?" "Don't they know I'm impatiently waiting and wondering if I'll ever get to try flying through the air again or even just a simple handstand?" "Don't they get how important this is to handle right now and not in a minute, day, week, month or year?" And of course the thought of "well, if I was an important person or higher level gymnast, then there would be a lot more being done." As it is, it's pretty much up to me because no one will get the fact that I've lost what I loved and I want to know if I'll ever get it back and I want to know how long and I want to know a whole lot of things that no one seems in any hurry to get around to telling me. The fact is, it's a back injury. There's really probably not any way to know...even if I was some important person who warranted a closer look. Ok, enough of the frustration.

So I have basically the same exam as a month ago. Checking my reflexes and seeing just where the numbness is and it's still hard to walk on my heels and almost impossible to walk on my toes. Balancing on the left set of toes is actually impossible at this point. She says she'll order an MRI now and that herniated discs are capable of repairing themselves. She wants to get the MRI done now to be sure the diagnosis is correct and to possibly see what nerve is being intruded upon that is causing the continued numbness. I still feel kinda lost....so ummm we'll do the MRI and then what? I just keep sitting around doing no gymnastics for ummm...how long? Any idea? Ballpark time frame? Shot in the dark? Anything? Bueller....Bueller....Bueller??

And then I asked her point blank. "So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is since I don't have any pain, how will I know when I can go back to gymnastics?" I mean, you break a leg, we put a cast on it and it heals in 6-8 weeks and you carry on with ya bad self! With a back...??? Her response is one I won't forget - at least not for a long time - "That's a good question."

But then she surprised me. "You can try some stuff. A cartwheel or a handstand, some light tumbling." What?!?! Really?! Seriously?! What was a little humorous to me was thinking about "light tumbling." As much as I want to get back in the gym, I'm really not ready for anything like that craziness yet. But the thought of a cartwheel again? Or a handstand? I wrote a message to my gym when I got out to my car to tell them I'd be in very soon to try these newfangled things such as cartwheels and handstands very soon!

I enlisted my friend to tag along to make this a little more bearable. I might need someone to cry with me or I might need someone to cheer with me. Or I might need some of both.

We drove up to the gym and I looked up at the sign....and very quietly as the tears came quickly I said, "It's gymnastics." My friend paused with me and asked if I was ok to proceed....and we went in.

It was pretty busy at open gym today and so I was able to just sort of blend in. Well, as much as a 39 year old gymnast who used to be able to do a lot more than this but can't right now because she can't feel her lower leg and foot, can blend in that is. The thing is, no one in the gym knows that I have no feeling there. They probably just think I'm a beginner. OK, I'll just have to not worry about these things. It's not important now and really isn't ever important what anyone thinks about me being a gymnast. I'm going to see how things go today and I'm not going to worry what others are thinking when they see me trying the simplest balance moves with little success.

I started on beam because I had been working on it at home. I only went on the high beam as has been my MO for the last few years. If I go on the low beam at practice I have a very difficult time getting back up to the high beam. So my brain works better always being on the high beam and just stacking up the mats to the top. I know, it's a little bit of a mind game, but I've found it's the best mind game for my particular brain.

There was a beam that had some panel mats stacked to the top so I was able to try the half turn where the panel mats were stacked and the leaps and walking on the toes, etc. on the part that wasn't stacked with mats. It was quite a different feeling walking on the beam at the gym - I was barefoot and the beam is actually wider at the gym than at home (my beam at home is a covered 4x4 I made when I lived back in Nashville and even with a couple of layers of covering, I still didn't get it quite to 4" wide). The barefoot part was easier in some ways because I could feel more of the movement of my feet with bare feet than in tennis shoes. Also, I'm of course accustomed to walking on the beam barefoot. That's how we gymnasts roll. It's only recently of course that I've been doing beam in the backyard in tennis shoes. So the familiarity of the beam was there when I went barefooted for the first time. The stability of my tennis shoes was of course, gone. I was doing pretty well on my toes in the shoes, but when I didn't have the rugged shoe to support my foot, it was really hard to go onto my left toes at all. I tried the half turn (which I had been working on in the back yard with some success) with no success because your foot simply won't turn (it gets stuck on the beam) if you don't go up high enough on your toe. You may remember me mentioning that the feeling is gone in my "good leg and foot" so that's the foot I'm trying to turn on. I realized I just can't quite get up high enough on my toes to keep my foot from sticking to the beam. So no-go on the half turn. The leap and jump were not much better, scarier because I was on high beam and also because...no shoes for stability. Walking across the beam and pivot turning went about as well as it did at home.

Then it was time to try the newfangled tricks the NP and I had talked about at my appointment the other day. The cartwheel and handstand. I'll be honest, I really didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure how easy or hard it might be to do these skills, even though they were pretty easy just 37 days ago. So I went in with no expectations really. I just went in to try.

The handstand was first and I fell on my face. Lesson #1: When you don't have feeling in the foot or leg you are lunging into to kick to your handstand, it will give out on you. It is truly like that feeling we've all had when walking or doing any sort of movement and your leg, knee or foot gives out on you. Only now it happens every time you try. Lesson #2: You'll have to figure out how to use the other part of your leg that you CAN feel to relearn how to kick to a handstand and somehow ignore the "giving out of your leg" feeling that happens in the parts that you CAN'T feel.

A cartwheel try was next and it was a similar experience. Because I couldn't push off of that left leg and foot to get the rest of my body up in the air, it was over almost before it began. Oh boy, this is gonna be harder than I thought...even though as I already mentioned, I had no idea what to expect.

Lesson #3: The two basic aforementioned skills would each have their own challenges. #3a. The handstand would prove difficult because I take off on my left AND land on my left leg having to train my brain to focus on the parts of the leg I can feel in order to force the parts I cannot feel to do what I need them to do to successfully complete the skill. #3b. The cartwheel might be easier to finish since I land on my right leg which I can feel fully. But it takes more strength and push to get the cartwheel up and over so the initial push with my left leg is going to make that harder from the start.

After probably about 5-7 tries on the handstand, I finally managed to get my feet above my head and come back down on the left leg with only a moderate amount of wobbling. I never quite got the cartwheel up and over. I finished out by walking a few more times up and down the beam, trying the last half of my mount (the part after I've round-offed onto the beam and I'm already sitting sideways on it) with no success and a few more pivot turns and leaps.

All told, I spent about 15 minutes at gymnastics today. Just a few months ago I was spending 3-6 hours in the gym every week. Today I was exhausted from 15 minutes. Perhaps more emotionally than physically.

I went to the side to remove the Tiger Paws from my hands and report back to my dear friend who had come with me to watch and support. I told of the feelings (or lack thereof) and what mindset I was trying to have to will my body to do the things it had done so easily for the last several years. My friend listened, said "I'm proud of you." I said, "It's hard" and began to cry. 

My friend held me while I cried and when the tears subsided, we left the gym with me wondering....

Do I want to try this? This gymnastics thing with no feeling in my foot and leg? Do I wait another month to try again? Will it matter? Will the feeling come back and I should just wait until then? Should I just put away all thoughts of gymnastics for 3 months...6 months...9, 12, forever? Do I actually have the heart to try this and try to get back to any sort of skill level I had just a few months ago? What's next? How much longer? And many more similar wonderings came to mind as well...

It's been about a month and a half since the most excruciating pain of my life happened followed by numbness in my lower left leg and foot. I've had the opportunity to sing a few other times before now so I have gotten a little better with my balance in my 4 inch "anthem shoes." Today I wore the red anthem dress with the blue anthem shoes. They're the harder of the two to walk in, so it will be a challenge. To my surprise, I'm really getting better in these! I managed to change into the heels about halfway down the stairs to the field. I then wore them until we got back up the stairs all the way to the guest services office after the anthem. It was basically a sold out crowd, and a pretty decent performance. A beautiful day in Phoenix - 75 and sunny - we were shoveling sunshine! We met a nice family that had just flown in from Ohio (the game was Cleveland Indians vs. Cincinnati Reds - everyone was from Ohio). They mentioned it was a balmy 22 degrees when they had left that morning. Welcome to Phoenix!

This was also the first time to really see a lot of my friends since the accident in February. I'd sent The Journey website to most of them so they were aware of the situation. The few that didn't know, I can't blame them for asking, "when's your next competition?" or "how's gymnastics going?" It wasn't like I had been a modern day Chatty Kathy about the whole thing.

A friend and I met at Westgate to drive to the game together - no I don't get paid when I sing the national anthem, but sometimes (like today) I get a VIP parking pass and a few free tickets to the game. So of course my friend wanted to meet me so he could be a VIP too right?! I arrived first at Westgate, not knowing exactly how I would feel when I got there, and not knowing what I might see. I guess I really had just tried not thinking too much about it. All the while knowing deep down it would be hard for me to go there - the State meet I was supposed to be competing in was being held at the hotel right there. The gymnasts in their sparkly leotards and fun hair-dos were either coming or going. I wasn't. I can't even do a cartwheel....or a handstand....I tried, I fell on my face. I hadn't even told my friend it was State meet weekend, much less that it was being held right there where we were meeting. As we talked on the phone so I could tell him where I was parked to meet me, I finally told him that this might be a hard day for me. But nevermind that for now, it's time to go sing, and regardless of anything else, it is always such an amazing honor to sing our National Anthem at any time.

After a really fun time watching a great baseball game (I admit, baseball is my second favorite sport to sing for - second only to gymnastics of course), we headed back to Westgate for dinner with the friends. For me, it was heading back to Westgate to face the music again. Or the gymnastics woes as it were. When we arrived, there was obviously a session of competition that had just finished. There were a lot of gymnasts around in the parking lot. Praise the Lord again for my amazing friend who just parked the car and let me cry. 

Gratefully we were early and had a little time before meeting the rest of the group for dinner (the whole VIP parking pass coming in handy once again). I finally collected myself and as we got out of the car, some gymnasts from a team I recognized walked by having finished their competition. I tried a brave smile and said "hey girls! It's great to see you!" It's a feeling that's hard to describe. Being genuinely happy to see all these amazing gymnasts while breaking apart inside that I wasn't one of them that day....

As we walked around Westgate, there were more gymnasts to be seen, even one getting pictures doing handstands at the really fun fountains there in the common area. Amazing day, a nice performance for me, some fun with a favorite sport, and most importantly amazing fellowship with wonderful Christian friends. All the while, I wished the day was different - I wished it included an American flag leotard with my blue Tiger Paws and Zebra print grips. A day full of back flips and cartwheels and swinging on bars and trying to stay on that crazy 4 inch wide balance beam. But also, a day to count my blessings. I still don't have any pain. I'm still standing, and for all intents and purposes, life is moving along as usual....moving along just like normal, except not normal, because I'm not a gymnast today....

Today I got to see my doctor who had a different story than the Nurse Practitioner last visit. But when it came down to the nuts and bolts of the visit it was still the same question "Ok doc, I'm living a pretty normal life here. Nothing has changed, I can still walk, work out, teach my fitness classes, work as usual, etc. The question is, do I ever get to do gymnastics again?" He was straightforward and said "the answer is, probably. What we can do is order a higher level of physical therapy and work on getting your foot, leg and core stronger. They will give you more and more to do each time to build your strength and see when you can get back to doing what you want to do."

I had told him the NP had told me I could try some cartwheels and handstands. I gave him the report of how that went. He frowned and said, "if you do anything at gymnastics, you'd need to wear some really good ankle support or you will twist your ankle not being able to feel it." Really...ya don't say! Needless to say it was pretty obvious he wasn't ready for me to get back in the gym anytime soon.

I left that visit only really thinking of the expense of the upcoming therapy that had no guarantee to get me back to the gym. I texted my good friend...."I'm pretty much uninspired and discouraged by it all." I honestly didn't even know for sure if I'd go through with the physical therapy the doctor ordered. What's the point of spending all that money (yeah, my health share plan denied PT too so all of this is coming out of my pocket) with no guarantee that anything will change or get better? A pretty deep question with a lot of implications and I don't even know if I want to try to get to the answer.

Ok, so it wasn't the most intense workout of my life probably. I mean gymnastics is the hardest sport in the world. So this definitely can't compare. However, I haven't been a gymnast for 2 and a half months now. I'm out of practice. My leg was definitely sore for a few days after this one.

I got home that afternoon and got back out on my beam in the backyard. I had grown bored with it lately because I wasn't doing anything fancy (like I have ever done anything fancy on the beam, but you know what I mean) - no cartwheels, handstands or even full turns so....boring. I texted my friend "will you support me if I try to get back to gymnastics?" I guess that was me saying OK, I'm going to try. I'm going to take the journey where it leads. I've decided I don't want to regret not trying.

I needed someone else besides me to believe in me though. It's a lonely place when you don't feel understood or believed in. There are many people who have cheered me on throughout my gymnastics journey the last 6 years, I don't discount that at all. But to have someone close that believes in me...Someone I call a good friend... Because for as many as have cheered me on from near or far, there have been just as many who gave the vibe or look like "you're an idiot, gymnastics is for young people, gymnastics is for people who can actually do some sort of trick here or there, not someone who has no natural ability for the sport."

I'm actually a part of an amazing community of adult gymnasts - our group is now over 1800 members and growing every day. We support each other, believe in each other, celebrate all wins (whether a basic forward roll, or an amazing new vault or release move on bars at age 35 or 45 or 65 or older), and mourn all losses (whether it's a little fall on beam at competition or an injury like mine that threatens the end of gymnastics for one of us). I couldn't be more grateful for so many like-minded people who believe in #gymnasticsforallforever.

At the end of the day though, you need people who are local to believe in you - whether that's friends, family, or the gym you go to. It's really difficult because it's so largely misunderstood. It's why I have chosen to keep my conversations to a minimum and just share my story to those who want to read it. It's why I've only trusted a few with all of the deep dark thoughts about it all. I know that I can't expect others to understand because I'm the only one going through this specific situation. Even if you're an adult gymnast, you haven't been on the specific journey I have been on. Yours may very well have been even more difficult than mine. I'm extremely grateful I'm where I am today and have the health I have. But whether in gymnastics or business or life, I've chosen quite a different path and have felt extremely "unbelieved in" along the way. It's probably not even fair to say that because I am so extremely blessed, but it's how I've felt. That's me being vulnerable to share, not me trying to discredit anyone who has shown support and believed in one way or another. Most of the time my own belief and goal setting nature is plenty to get me through. But sometimes - and now is one of those sometimes - I need someone who truly believes in me besides myself.

But enough of that tangent. Back to it....the question now is internal, it's in me and it's something I need to be able to say yes to every day if I'm going to get back to gymnastics. "Are you willing to try this?" And perhaps even more important, "Are you willing to be ok with it if you aren't able to do it?"

I've been to the more intense Physical Therapy 3 times now and I'm getting much stronger. I teach balance to my students in both my aqua classes and Silver Sneakers classes. I've been able to balance on my left leg about 80% of normal (maybe even better on a good day).

When I first started the more intense PT, my calf was having none of it. For those who have known me a while, you may remember I tore the plantaris tendon in my left leg just over 3 years ago. Now there is no tendon there to help my calf stay elongated (at least that's how I picture it in my head - my calf muscles have always felt "bunchy" in my left leg since that injury, while the right leg feels normal). Whatever the case is, I have a handicap already because of the prior injury to that leg. Since it's my "good leg" as we call it in gymnastics, that makes it an even bigger challenge. So since starting the PT (and really always since the injury), my calf will completely lock up, seize up, cramp up, etc. when raising onto my toes. If I do a "booty kick" to stretch my quads, the same thing happens - complete locking and cramping of the calf. It's really quite annoying if you want the truth. But what I've realized is that my calf, leg and foot were just extremely weak. Apparently when you lose the feeling in your leg and foot, you also lose strength. Not necessarily from lack of work or exercise - I mean, besides gymnastics, I haven't changed my workout habits. For all intents and purposes, my leg and foot should still be very close in strength to what they were before the injury. But again, they tell me that when the nerve gets damaged like that, you also lose strength. 

Ok fine. Get stronger.

A few days ago as I was doing the PT exercises at one of the gyms I teach at, I sort of took a look around. Hmmmm, mirrors everywhere, not a good idea if I try to do a handstand and don't have good control and end up shattering one of those....that might be more expensive than all this medical treatment and testing (OK, probably not but you know what I mean). But wait, there's a decent wall there by the elevator and I could put a yoga mat down and bring my Tiger Paws and try a handstand against that wall. In my head I've got that devilish laugh like, he he he he, I bet I could do a handstand now.

I had PT on May 8th and my therapist is really cool, don't get me wrong, but she still gets this look on her face (I'm sure you can picture it) any time I talk about a handstand or cartwheel or even so much as walking on the beam. Bahahaha! Remember that part about being misunderstood? I ain't afraid of no 12 inch high balance beam in my back yard lady! I've been walking across that thing for over 6 years!! Now ask me to do that cartwheel on it again, Ok I'll have that same terrified look. But walking across it?! Come on now, piece of cake! Ok, rant over.

Anyway, I've decided that my leg definitely feels stronger. I'm the only one who can feel it (ok, you could touch it, but you don't feel it) and I know it feels better and stronger than it did back on March 18 when I last tried these crazy things called handstands and cartwheels.

I'll stop here and tell you that no, I absolutely do not have anymore feeling in my leg or foot than 3 months ago. There is no change. I wish I could tell you differently. I'm just teaching my leg how to work without the feeling.

Now, continuing on, I feel stronger. I feel like I'm balancing on that leg more, I feel like I'm able to push up to my toes more (if it just weren't for that big toe that is so completely numb! Geez!). But I digress.....I'm itching to see if I can kick up to a handstand without falling on my face this time.

Having the experience that I did on March 18, it was pretty scary the first try. And I didn't have Tiger Paws either. So I just gave it a half-hearted attempt against the wall. Hmmm, I think the leg might support me. Maybe a little more than half-hearted next try. Ok, I think this might work. By the 5th try, I was up to the handstand with my feet against the wall. Man my wrists hurt on a hard floor with only a yoga mat underneath and no Tiger Paws on. But Oh! The feeling of being upside down again! Oh the feeling of doing gymnastics! Have I digressed again? Oh well, this was exciting! Come on, get excited with me! I haven't done an actual handstand for THREE. MONTHS!!!! Wanna try a cartwheel too? Why not, I'm feeling adventurous today! Do you hear the fun part of gymnastics coming out in my voice here? Do you somehow get just a little inkling of how one can sorta get addicted to this sport? Do you get how I all of a sudden think I could just hop back in the gym today and do all my old tricks?!

Ok, back down to earth, huge progress, and the best part is that it's really encouraging that I can now kick to the handstand and cartwheel pushing through my leg and foot I can't feel with pretty good results. A round off back tuck? Or putting that cartwheel back up on the beam? Let's give that a minute or two. Maybe not today.

On May 10, I packed the Tiger Paws and phone tripod and headed out to the gym to try some more (with more confidence) and get video proof. I'd like to add that on May 9 when I did the first handstand without my leg giving out on me, I had to hide the tears from the guy working out in the area. It wasn't the time for a big long story about why I was trying a handstand (not in a gymnastics gym) and why it made me cry. So I just had my rah rah moment for myself and cried with joy that this little miracle had happened (not so little if you ask me).

I'm pretty sentimental and since I'm a bookkeeper (for gymnastics gyms of course), I'm sentimental about numbers and dates. So it just seemed fitting that I would try the handstand and cartwheel on the 3 month anniversary of my injury. I had been thinking about it several days before, but when it occurred to me that it was 3 months, I decided that was it. 

3 months is enough. 

And as you can see by my squealing and crying and excitement above, 3 months WAS enough.